This morning someone said exactly what I needed to hear. It’s amazing how a few simple words can change your entire day. Rejection in any aspect of your life stings. As James Taylor says, “they’ll steal your soul if you let them, but don’t you let them.” It’s no secret that I’m in the process of changing careers, a process that has been quite brutal. Sometimes even the people closest to you can’t feel your need for encouragement. I tend to get defensive because I’m frustrated and feel as though I’m letting people down, when I really should be grateful that they care enough to try and help. It’s hard for me to admit that I need my parents approval, but I think it’s something every child suffers with. I look at other people my age who are engaged or married with thriving careers and I find myself wasting my energy being jealous; wanting what they have. It must have been easy for “that girl” to meet the man of her dreams, right?
Who am I to decide that I’m “behind?” Sadly, there is no timeline for life and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. There are just days when I need to be reminded that there is no winning or losing. I only feel like I’m letting people down when I feel like I’m letting myself down. I know that I’ve said I would lose weight, work out every day and do all sorts of things on the blog and I know that a lot of the time these declarations never come to fruition. I wish I had a simple answer for why. Working out seems like the biggest chore to me lately and I actually dread doing it. Weird, I know. As my roommate aptly said last night, I need to schedule it into my day as a non-negotiable. I need to stop punishing myself. I need to finish Women Food And God and implement the teachings into my life. Face the shit that’s holding me back; exercise the demons, so to speak. So, why aren’t I doing all of this? I don’t know. I’ve focused on one aspect of my life so intensely that I’ve let other things fall by the wayside. The ironic thing is, I feel like crap and am exhausted all the time. So much for “taking it easy” on myself.
All this self-pity came to head while I was reading my favorite Intensati instructor Erika’s, blog. She was writing about having fun and finding something joyful in every day. This is not new to me, but I seem to have lost my mojo and I’m not afraid to say that I want it back! So that being said, working out just needs to happen. I don’t care how long it takes for me to want to do it I just have to force myself there. Please wish me luck, I’ll send those good vibes right back at ya! My time is now!