There are certain life lessons we learn over and over again. Don’t fall in love with the bad boy is one that comes easily to mind. I’ve written extensively about how much I love finding the perfect something for the people I care about. I anticipate how excited they will be upon receiving the token of my affection, however small or innocent it may be. I rarely acknowledge the hope I have that such thoughtfulness will be reciprocated. Today I’m admitting it. I know this anticipation is all in vain. My brain knows that some people don’t put such a high price on the little things. My heart hopes otherwise. I want someone, anyone really, to do something just to make me smile, even for a millisecond.
I’m not saying this has never happened, of course it has. It’s just been a while. A while is beginning to feel like forever. And forever is just too long, really. I recently got one of the most thoughtful compliments I’ve received in my entire life. I won’t repeat verbatim as the complimenter is also a reader but it was something like, “I’m surprised Shanna doesn’t get asked out by more of her readers.” When I heard this I thought, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I was indescribably happy. I realized I’ve been waiting around for someone (let’s be real, some guy) to tell me how great I am. This anticipation resulted in resentment and cynicism that has been getting me nowhere quickly. It took the fun out of doing nice things for the people that I love. Everything I just wrote, I’ve known for years. I’ve meditated, journaled, sang, and danced with that realization. Sometimes you are in need of a life lesson refresher course. This week has been mine. Do things because they make you happy. Leave the rest up to the Universe.
Today’s song is about surrender. Following your heart and writing that email, making that phone call, just surrendering and saying OK.
“…is this it.”