What makes someone sexy? Is a low cut dress? Tight jeans? A glimmer in the eye? A throaty laugh? Sexy is a word not frequently used to describe me. Cute? Absolutely. Funny? For sure. Sexy has always alluded me. I am now declaring the Summer of 2011 as the summer I, Shanna Cohen, brought sexy back. Get it? GET IT?
Having said that, I’m now share a list of traits I find sexy on a man. Potential future boyfriends, please take note:
1. Scruff. The scruffier the better. Hear that boys, put those razors down.
2. A guitar. This is news to no one. What can I say? Musical talent makes my heart go pitter patter.
3. Sharp wit. If you can “out sarcasm” me, I’m yours.
4. A well cut suit. Hey fellas, it’s cool to care about how you look. If your suit can fit two people, it’s too big.
5. Culinary prowess. Cooking is a very sexy process. Chopping garlic and onions is, well, not pleasant, but the effort behind it is quite enticing.
6. Patience. Whoever said patience is a virtue was a genius. When I was a child my parents would say I swallowed “the why bird.” I ask a lot of questions. I’m very curious. I want to know basically everything you know. If you have the patience to explain it all to me, I melt.
7. Canine friendliness. I love dogs. No really, I love them. Every time I see one on the street (which is several times every day) I ooo and ahhh at them and attempt to get close enough to pet them. There really is nothing sexier than a man walking a dog. They’re not called Man’s Best Friend for nothing!
8. Lover of literature. I can be a pretty big nerd. Nerds need company while they become engrossed in their new favorite novel. I have been known to stay up far past my bedtime to finish a chapter/book. A man who does the same sounds like my slice of heaven.
9. The perfect shoe. This is where I start to get weird, I know. But, I have an adverse reaction when a man is wearing the following shoes:
A. Any sort of chunky white sneaker. If a shoe is made for basketball and you’re not playing at the moment, please keep those out of my sight and oh lord if you’re wearing them with jeans I may die.
B. Adidas massaging sandals. Are you a professional soccer player? No? Then why the hell are you wearing those sandals, this is New York City!
C. Overly bulky loafers. The shoes you wore to someones Bar/Bat Mitzvah in Middle School are no longer appropriate. You’re a grown man…I hope!
D. White socks with dress shoes. This is a non-negotiable. I have been known to take a man into the nearest department store to remedy the situation immediately.
E. Tevas or some similarly disturbing sandal. Are you on the outdoor staff at camp? If not, there is no need.
Ok, so there you have my list of sexiness. All I’m looking for is a guy who can basically dress himself (I can help with that if need be), can bring the scruff from time to time, will read/discuss books with me, let me obsess over music that I love, will make my friends laugh and listen to their ridiculousness with some regularity, allow me to pet strange dogs daily, cook me a great meal every now and again, put up with my incessant questions about every professional athlete, and most importantly find all my quirks sexy.
That’s not too much to ask, right?