Thursday, August 25, 2011

Out of Nowhere…

So let me paint a picture for you.  I’m sitting on my bed, AC blasting, Anderson Cooper discussing the impending doom of Irene and I’m watching a very disturbing video on tumblr/stalking on Facebook.  I may or may not also be perusing an online dating website.  Maybe.  So, I’m moving along, reading profiles, looking at pictures, and feeling awesome about my life (or not) and suddenly it hits me: these boys have no idea how to impress a lady!  A light bulb goes on inside my head and I think “they need my help!”

Gentleman have no fear, your neurotic Jewish princess is here!  I have some helpful hints on how to impress me online and (gasp) in real life as well.

1.  Do not post pictures of yourself wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up.  Do not approach me while wearing a hood.  I will think you’re going to grab my purse and run.  You do not look tough.  You look 12. 

2.  Do not post pictures of yourself wearing a wife beater/Hanes tank top.  Do not approach me while wearing a wife beater/Hanes tank top.  I’m not sure where men got the impression that this undershirt was meant to be worn solo.  They don’t call it a wife beater for nothin’.  Dress to impress (or at least not repulse). 

3.  In the “about me” section do not discuss how online dating is lame or how if we want to know about you we can ask you.  You seem lazy and standoffish.  I’m not asking to be dazzled, just simply moderately informed. 

4.  Do not post pictures with your shirt off.  This is not Jersey Shore…unless you’re into the sort of thing.

5.  Just make me laugh.  Please make me laugh. 


Anonymous said...

judgmental much?

Shanna said...

I usually do not let comments get under my skin as everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, this post was written in good fun and writing an anonymous insult in the comments section of a blog seems like a total waste of time. If you don't like what I'm writing by all means stop reading.