Monday, September 12, 2011

Being A ‘Cool’ Girl…

A few years ago I went to a lecture about “Falling in Love With Your Future” and my mind was completely blown.  I went to more lectures, joined a meditation group and was left with great coping tools and a truly fantastic friend.  One of the most important lessons I learned during this time in my life was not to be the “cool girl.” 
You know the type.  They say they are fine with 3am texts/phone calls because they don’t care.  So cool and easy going.  Just want to have fun.  Never get upset or disappointed.  Never eaten a meal with the dude?  It’s cool, we’re just hanging out.  We’re not really dating.  That sort of thing.
The above may seem easy, breezy, Cover Girl, but have you ever met someone who was that cool?  Unless you know a robot, in which case you can stop reading now and save yourself five minutes.  Humans have feelings, although some men I’ve met have tested my belief in that fact.  It takes an inordinate amount of energy to be that cool; a battle of mind versus heart, for sure. 
You don’t want to appear needy, because that’s surely a turn-off, right?  So you go to his apartment in the middle of the night even though you have been sleeping comfortably for three hours and he sounds inebriated on the phone.  In the end you end up feeling like crap.  Why?  Because no one is happy being treated like a hooker.  Unless, you are a hooker. 
Why does it seem needy to say how you feel?  The most important thing I’ve learned is that it takes far more energy to pretend to be cool than it would to simply say how you feel.  Obviously, it’s scary to put yourself out there, but it must be worth it.  Right?  I mean haven’t you seen a romantic comedy?  They always end up living happily ever after.  I digress.
I refuse to put up with less than I want to end up with.  I deserve the absolute best.  So do you.  Look around at the people you spend time with.  Do they make you happy?  Or are you playing it ‘cool’ hoping that they someday will make you happy?  As a former “cool girl,” let me tell you something: you will never get what you want if you don’t ask for it.  Don’t play games.  Say what you want.  Say how you feel.  If he runs the other way, so be it. 
No need to play it cool.  Or play at all. 

1 comment:

Kel said...

Such a struggle, the balance between Super-COOL Chick and what it means to let yourself cry sometimes.

Beautiful post! It's funny how life turns out in ways you didn't expect, even if you had the tools to deal with your issues the entire time.