The past couple of weeks have been filled with wonderful stuff. An engagement, wedding, and wedding dress secured by friends. None of these events happened to me, obviously. I am thrilled for my friends. Honestly, truly, happy for them. They deserve the best.
Now that the happiness is out of the way, I will admit a deep dark secret. Now that the dust has settled from the celebratory weekend, I am feeling lonely. I find myself interrupting perfectly good iPod walking sessions with the nagging thought, I want an engagement ring/wedding/honeymoon/wedding dress/husband. Is it wrong to want those things? Of course not. Yet, I feel guilty feeling this way. Like there is something wrong with me. I hate feeling jealous.
It’s such a waste of energy. There is no timeline on life. I’ve dispensed that advice to countless friends, but now I need it more than ever. I will be 28 in less than three months. If you asked me where I’d be at 28 when I was a senior in college I would have said engaged and planning a romantic vineyard wedding.
Instead I’m very single without a roommate for the next two weeks. Apparently my apartment is very lucky for whoever lives in the second bedroom. I’ve now lost two roommates to boyfriends who quickly became fiancés. Again, I could not be happier for them. I’m just having a short pity party for myself this week.
There is an upside to being single. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. This week all I want to do is cook dinner for someone, drink wine with someone, and cuddle on the couch with someone. Someone other than myself.