Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Let’s Go There…

The past couple of weeks have been filled with wonderful stuff.  An engagement, wedding, and wedding dress secured by friends.  None of these events happened to me, obviously.  I am thrilled for my friends.  Honestly, truly, happy for them.  They deserve the best.

Now that the happiness is out of the way, I will admit a deep dark secret.  Now that the dust has settled from the celebratory weekend, I am feeling lonely.  I find myself interrupting perfectly good iPod walking sessions with the nagging thought, I want an engagement ring/wedding/honeymoon/wedding dress/husband.  Is it wrong to want those things?  Of course not.  Yet, I feel guilty feeling this way.  Like there is something wrong with me.  I hate feeling jealous. 

It’s such a waste of energy.  There is no timeline on life.  I’ve dispensed that advice to countless friends, but now I need it more than ever.  I will be 28 in less than three months.  If you asked me where I’d be at 28 when I was a senior in college I would have said engaged and planning a romantic vineyard wedding. 

Instead I’m very single without a roommate for the next two weeks.  Apparently my apartment is very lucky for whoever lives in the second bedroom.  I’ve now lost two roommates to boyfriends who quickly became fiancés.  Again, I could not be happier for them.  I’m just having a short pity party for myself this week. 

There is an upside to being single.  I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.  This week all I want to do is cook dinner for someone, drink wine with someone, and cuddle on the couch with someone.  Someone other than myself. 


Mara said...

“The fact is, sometimes it’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.”

My advice: Buy yourself a fabulous pair of shoes for this fall : )

Anonymous said...

we've all been there!! you're not alone. when it happens, it will be worth the wait (or so we all keep telling ourselves - but i believe it to be true).

Danielle said...

I know exactly how you feel. I just turned 27 yesterday and I had those thoughts. After 4 weddings and 3 baby showers this summer I felt like I was so behind and lonely. Our time will come! : )

Carlien said...

Wise words: "there is no timeline on life", but so hard to take to heart. Even if you are married, there's the chance you have the same nagging 'timeline' anxieties about having kids.. about what your kids are doing when.. about what you should be doing in your career..
So thanks for sharing, even as you are feeling low.. it's a reminder that we cannot force some things onto a schedule.

My tongue-in-cheek advice? Swop bedrooms and move into the other one before your new roommate arrives :)