Monday, October 24, 2011

The Wall…

How do you know the difference between putting up a wall to protect yourself from real danger versus protecting yourself from nothing?  In the past I’ve built quite the wall; some may call it Fort Shanna.  They probably don’t call it that, but they could.  In recent years, I’ve tried to be more open.  I’ve gone to lectures, made new friends, changed my career, changed roommates.  I’ve  meditated and read and tried to let my freak flag fly.  I’ve worked on it.  So, riddle me this: why is being vulnerable so scary?  I know I can get hurt.  The act of building my Fort is actually more painful than being hurt by someone else could ever be…if you really think about it. 

I’ve posted about not playing the cool girl, not pretending to be happy in a situation that doesn’t make you happy.  And yet, I’ve found myself in this exact spot.  It’s time to take down the wall.  Thankfully I’m wearing my big girl (red) pants today. 

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