Unless you live under a rock, you are probably aware that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was shown on CBS last night. I, along with millions of others, watched in awe as the gorgeous models walked in absolutely absurd get-ups. I wanted to change the channel. I really did. I was wondering what Anderson Cooper was talking about on CNN. I really was. Yet my hand was paralyzed. I laid in bed thinking about all the vegetables I was going to eat today, about the run I was going to take. Funnily enough, I had read an interview with Miranda Kerr (model and wife of Orlando Bloom, that bitch) discussing how no one should compare themselves to her and feel badly because, you see, she first saw Alessandra (another super famous VS model) and thought “why did they let me in here.” Models, they’re just like us!
I appreciate self-deprecating humor, I really do. However, when you’re so stunning people give you money to just stand there, you need to be careful what you say. I recognize the genetic miracle that are these models. I’m not saying they don’t work out and watch what they eat, I’m sure they do. It’s just that as a five-foot tall dark haired Jew with boobs and ass for days, modeling is just not in the cards for me. On a day to day basis, I am quite alright with that fact. Last night, as I watched in awe as Adam Levine sang while hand-in-hand with his model girlfriend, Anne V, I decided I would use the jealousy I felt as motivation to be the best version of myself. Will I ever be a size zero? Not without illness, unfortunately. Will I ever be 5’9”? God, I wish. But, sadly not. That doesn’t mean that I should feel about myself, that much Miranda and I agree on. That doesn’t make it any easier to hear it, though.
P.S. The things I would do to Adam Levine. I mean, really.