I would like to take a poll of all my male readers (all two of you). How much time do you spend thinking about dating? Two minutes a day? A week? A month? After a great date, do you wonder what you should text/say/email? Actually, I'm going to ask my Dude contributors and we'll get some concrete answers.
Last night, a significant portion of my evening was spent discussing all things love and dating. I want to know how often men spend significant portions of their evenings discussing such things. It doesn't seem fair. I know life isn't fair, blah blah, but holy shit do women fret over men. I want someone to fret over me. Big time. Like lying in bed at night wondering what I'm doing or thinking or if I'm going to call them. That would make me quite happy. I've been working my mantras like a crazy person and trying to take excellent care of myself, yet every once in a while I find myself utterly exhausted.
I want to be with someone who makes me happy. Even happier than I make myself. I am not looking for someone to complete me, that much I know for sure, but sometimes I find myself thinking this may never happen for me. There is no guarantee that I will end up in a relationship. Or married. Or with kids. (I hope you're still upright Mom). Those are valid fears; fears that need to be openly discussed. If I have learned anything over the last six months, it's that you can only do so much. You can't be 75% of a relationship. You have to be met halfway. This goes not only for romantic relationships, but platonic pairings as well. I feel as though I'm rambling, but just go with it.
I was watching old Sex And the City episodes last week (because clearly I have a life) and one of the great QUESTIONS at the beginning of an episode was: Can you make a mistake and miss your fate? Perhaps I'm alone in this, but there have been many times that I was certain that someone did not want to be with me because of something I had said. I would be consumed with thoughts of what if? What if I had said OK instead of arguing? What if I had lost weight sooner? What if I had said how I felt when he asked?
I have come to terms with the fact that you cannot miss your fate. There is nothing you can say that can make someone not want to be with you. Sometimes it's a matter of timing or location or simply feelings that are not reciprocated. All of those things are hard. They require time and self-care to get over. That much I know for sure. I have to believe that when you meet someone who is a real match, it won't matter much what stupid crap you say. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.