I generally do not post on the weekends, but when something comes to mind that I'd like to share, I abandon my self-imposed hiatus. I am currently under a blanket on my couch, in sweats, drinking Hazelnut coffee that I made in my apartment. This seems rather run of the mill I'm sure, but I realized that I hadn't made coffee in my apartment in over a year. Somewhere along the way, when I was eating horribly and NEVER cooking I stopped doing the small things for myself. I would wake up on a Saturday most likely hungover and immediately order a greasy breakfast from my neighborhood diner. Or drag myself to brunch and order greasy food. This may seem like a gross exaggeration, but I had basically given up on myself.
Over the past two months, as I've worked on slowly changing my habits and figuring out what led me that self-destruction behavior, I realized how important these small things are. I was having dinner with my sister and her bf last night and he asked me if I felt any different after losing these almost 10 pounds - if I had more energy, etc. After making a joke about no longer needs my oxygen tank to make it up the subway stairs, I really thought about it. Yes! I do feel different. I feel better, happier, look forward to working out (most of the time) and am ecstatic I did not give up. Am I sometimes frustrated at how slowly the weight loss has been? Absolutely. Does that mean I will be stopping any time soon? Absolutely not.
I found my copy of Marianne Williamson's "A Course in Weight Loss" while digging through my drawers the other night. I started to read through the journal I had filled out while reading the book and could not believe what I had written. So much sadness, and negativity. I was so worried about failing that I could not get myself to start taking care of myself. I wish someone would have shaken me back then and told me I could do it. Or I had shaken myself. Who knew making a cup of coffee would result in this?
Moral of the story, do not wait for someone to shake you - shake it up yourself.
With that I'm off to meet bestie JV in the West Village for Brunch (no hangover, but lots of smiles).