Saturday, March 10, 2012

Cup of Joe

I generally do not post on the weekends, but when something comes to mind that I'd like to share, I abandon my self-imposed hiatus.  I am currently under a blanket on my couch, in sweats, drinking Hazelnut coffee that I made in my apartment.  This seems rather run of the mill I'm sure, but I realized that I hadn't made coffee in my apartment in over a year.  Somewhere along the way, when I was eating horribly and NEVER cooking I stopped doing the small things for myself.  I would wake up on a Saturday most likely hungover and immediately order a greasy breakfast from my neighborhood diner.  Or drag myself to brunch and order greasy food.  This may seem like a gross exaggeration, but I had basically given up on myself.

Over the past two months, as I've worked on slowly changing my habits and figuring out what led me that self-destruction behavior, I realized how important these small things are.  I was having dinner with my sister and her bf last night and he asked me if I felt any different after losing these almost 10 pounds - if I had more energy, etc.  After making a joke about no longer needs my oxygen tank to make it up the subway stairs, I really thought about it.  Yes!  I do feel different.  I feel better, happier, look forward to working out (most of the time) and am ecstatic I did not give up.  Am I sometimes frustrated at how slowly the weight loss has been?  Absolutely.  Does that mean I will be stopping any time soon?  Absolutely not.

I found my copy of Marianne Williamson's "A Course in Weight Loss" while digging through my drawers the other night.  I started to read through the journal I had filled out while reading the book and could not believe what I had written.  So much sadness, and negativity.  I was so worried about failing that I could not get myself to start taking care of myself.  I wish someone would have shaken me back then and told me I could do it.  Or I had shaken myself.  Who knew making a cup of coffee would result in this?

Moral of the story, do not wait for someone to shake you - shake it up yourself.

With that I'm off to meet bestie JV in the West Village for Brunch (no hangover, but lots of smiles).

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