Thursday, March 29, 2012

Weighty Matters

Happy Thursday, blog friends.  I weighed in last night and was up a pound, which was no surprise.  I was  relieved I didn't do more damage on my west coast adventure.  The key for me, was getting right back on track on Sunday.  Even if that meant eating oatmeal at the airport I wasn't thrilled about.  Last night at my WW meeting we were talking about eating satisfying foods instead of "diet" foods.  It was as though the leader was inside my head!  I have been harping on that idea on this blog and to my friends for the past few months.  On my first WW journey, nearly seven years ago (holy shit) I was definitely more strict with my diet.  I lost weight faster (and also worked out much more).  But in the end I completely gave up and gained it all back.  I would prefer to avoid that mistake this time around.  Even if it means it takes another 10 weeks to lose another 10 pounds.

All that being said, I need to be a bit more selective with my food intake.  Not everything is worth it.

I'm about to pull a 180 on y'all.  Sitting on a roof in Laguna Beach sipping a beer we got to talking about dating and love, obviously.  I am someone who has fallen in love with my closest male friend in the past (more than once sadly enough) so this is coming from experience, not judgement.  I do believe there is a correlation between women with tons of close male friendships and singledom.  I am not a sociologist or psychologist, so this is a layman's opinion, of course.  It almost appears that you can either focus on a romantic relationship with a member of the male species or you can have an extremely close friendship.  I'm not talking about casual friendships, just to be clear.  I'm talking long phone calls, regular hanging out (platonicly), and regular "being there."  What's even more frustrating is that these close friendships don't appear to hinder the male involved.  They can go on to have successful relationships and have a close female friend to turn to for advice and general girlfriend complaining.  I need to explore this theory more, but after just breaking the surface I have come to a few conclusions.

I am the first to admit I miss having a close male friend.  If I could find one that I wouldn't want to touch with a ten foot pole, that would be wonderful!  It's those unspoken feelings that get in the way.  You need to get super honest with yourself about these male friendships.  It's not easy, but it's worth it.  In fact, you are worth it.  I realized that I didn't value myself enough to give up the mentality of "taking what you can get."  You deserve someone who puts you first, all the time.  It's easy to accept being single and avoid loneliness when you get male attention elsewhere.  The thing is, friendship and romance are not the same thing.  They are both completely necessary and no one relationship is more important than another (what up Marianne Williamson), but get honest about what you want.  I was honest about what I wanted and I had to give up a friendship that only caused me pain, however hard it was to let this person go, it wasn't real.  He wasn't willing to do for me what I was for him.  Think about it.  Is this boy who depends on you for advice, friendship, platonic hanging out (when he's not dating someone), would he do for you what you do for him regularly?  I'm not saying give up on any guy you're friends with.  I'm just saying you deserve more than that!  I sure as shit do.  I plan on having it all.  Get real with yourself even if it's awful and uncomfortable.  Are you not putting as much focus on dating because you're comfortable with these male friendships?  That's exactly what I was doing.  I had a boy calling me five times a day so what did I need a boyfriend for?  Well, when that boy has a girlfriend to call, your phone rings a lot less.  Do not wait for that to happen.  And it will happen.  It always happens to "the friend."

End soapbox rant.


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