It's Wednesday. Somehow for the first hour I was awake this morning I was convinced it was Thursday. Whoops. I still made it to my morning meeting but I was totally disoriented. Truth be told, I have not been sleeping well at all. Tossing and turning late into the night and then early again in the morning. I'm simply all over the place.
The good news is, my eating and mood have stabilized. I can interact normally with other humans, which a huge plus. My posts lately have been sort of melancholy and I'd like to remedy that ASAP. The more I thought about what I had written yesterday, the more I realized why I was having such a visceral reaction to being called curvy. I have been lazy. I haven't worked out (other than a few long walks here and there) in a very long time. I just felt gross. None of this is anyones' fault other than my own. Sure, it's been a bit steamy to work out al fresco, but I have to make do with what's available. Sometimes, in the midst of one of my pity parties, I forget that most people work hard at looking good in a bikini. Sure, some of my closest friends are the exception to that rule, but hey good for them! I am a fast reader, so I have that going for me. I kid. Sort of.
Everyone needs a reminder that it's up to them. Comments about my body were making me uncomfortable because I don't feel I look my best right now. There is absolutely no one to blame for that but myself. I feel overwhelmed at the thought of starting this whole process over, but I'm taking the advice I gave one of my best friends last week. Baby steps. Back to tracking, which helps a lot and getting my butt to sit through a meeting will be even better. Making plans to workout with a friend instead of getting drinks and working on feeling my best. That's the goal for this week, people.
Oh and seeing myself from the front and back in a Target dressing room was one of the scariest experiences I've had in a long time. You have been warned, shoppers.