Thursday, December 27, 2012

To Ask Or Not To Ask...

...that is the question.
 See what I did there.

  I was out last night with one of my best friends are her new (well, not exactly new) man.  We somehow stumbled on the topic of blogging and this very here blog was mentioned.  I explained that I used to write daily, for several years, in fact.  Now I pop in biweekly, or at least attempt to get my act together every now and again.  BFF's boo jokingly said he felt as though most people would not be interested in what he had to say.  I disagreed, obviously.  I explained that if I focused on who would be reading my blog, I probably would have never written anything to begin with.

I write better when I'm working through something funky in either my personal or professional life, that has been made glaringly clear in the last year.  It just seems to be how I process what is going on around me, more so than in previous years.  They always say that self-awareness comes with age, although I'm never sure who they are.  Being almost thirty brings a sort of seriousness to decisions regarding my personal life that simply did not exist even five years ago.  I want to improve my relationships, platonic and otherwise, and I want to know why things are not/did not work out and I most definitely do not want to make the same mistakes twice.  Since I've adopted this attitude, I have had to listen to and digest the feedback of those around me.

Let me start by saying, having someone say/write/tweet/email the things you dislike most about yourself as reasons why something isn't working out is brutal.  There is no way around it.  It takes the wind out of your sails, so to speak.  I felt out of sorts for days.  Clarity came with reading and responding to said emails the best I could.  The more I thought about it, the more I was able to extract the positive.  This person respected me enough to spend the time articulating these things to me.  There is always a silver lining.  I have long said that I must have a sign on my forehead that says Tell Me Everything because for as long as I can remember I have delved deep with those around me.  Some of my friends may say, too deep, especially when it comes to my dating life.  I can't help it.  I just ask a ton of questions and can't wait to understand the people I choose to spend my time with.

In fact, one of the qualities I find most attractive in someone I'm dating is their ability to communicate.  I am always happy to talk things out.  This is a double-edged sword, of course.  It can be difficult to distinguish a unique connection with someone from the desire to prove my point or have them prove their point.  A guy I was dating not too long ago asked me what I liked about him to which I responded with a list of things and I posed the same question to him.  One of the first things he said is that I'm upfront, honest, and just "are who you are."  It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to me.  I mean he could have told me I was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen, a girl can dream, am I right? But, something about his comments felt like a challenge; a challenge to be better.  More open, less inhibited, less...dare I say it, sarcastic.  Just an all around better version of myself.

The takeaway is always the most important part.  Oddly enough, voicing my insecurities (which is not a turn on, of course) was the very thing that allowed me to close the chapter on those issues.  This isn't about anything one specific person said to me, it's more of the overall theme of the feedback received.  My extremely long-winded point is, that you will never regret asking why or explaining why.  Ask the important questions.  You deserve it.

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