Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Confidence As A Strategy

Everyone has soft spots -- areas of their lives that need work.  Thus is the nature of life, especially in your twenties. When you're sure you don't have a clue at 18 just wait until you're 28 and even more clueless.  Half of your friends have signed a legally binding document stating they will love someone forever and the other half are hungover somewhere.  It can be a highly confusing time.

Here is what I have learned in the last, ahem, 29 years: no one knows what they are doing.  Be confident. Fake it till you make it. Put on makeup when you feel like crap. Text that dude. Go to the party that seems "too far."

Behaving in any other is a total disservice to you. Trust me. The area of my life most effected by this lack of confidenc was my dating life. You guys know. I wrote about it all. Maybe it just took time. Maybe it was meeting some key people (men) who engaged in terribly uncomfortable conversations with me. Maybe it was my closest friends. Maybe it was my mantras or the occasional yoga pose. I'll never really know. All I know is that now when someone gives me a compliment I choose to believe them.

I'm not perfect -- far from it. If nothing else, life is simply happier this way. Would I like to lose ten pounds? Wouldn't we all. Does that mean I'm fat and no one could possibly fall in love with Fat Shanna? Well, Fat Shanna no longer exists.

It feels good to worry about my obscure political references on dates instead of worrying what the guy will think of appearance.  It's a new kind of worry, but a welcome one at that.

1 comment:

Susan Gilbert said...

nDear Shanna, You're the best. I like your blog. Also, for the record, it's been my experience, that you don't really begin to feel sure about knowing anything about life until some time after 40. I know that seems old to finally figure out stuff--I think 28 or even 35 should be ample time to figure out stuff like how to pick friends and how to stay honest and true to yourself, but funny really didn't seem clear to me until the past ten years. Take my advise or leave it. Hope to see you soon!